Tips for men caring for chronically ill wives, from a devoted husband.

My tips for men caring for chronically ill wives.

There is a countless number of men caring for chronically ill wives who don’t know which way to turn. It is especially difficult for those gents who support their wives with multimorbidity.

Having more than one chronic condition can be extremely challenging for those who suffer, however, there is plenty of information for them explaining how to cope with their illnesses, but the voices of spousal caregivers are always forgotten.

Worry Head spreads awareness about this very topic. Our voices need to be heard!

So, if your partner suffers from endometriosis or fibromyalgia, and you don’t know how to support your partner, this article was designed for you.

My wife suffers from both of these chronic conditions. Endometriosis and fibromyalgia cause her to have daily pain and fatigue, but between her struggles, I am the one that no one talks about…

Over the past 14 years, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. Here are my tips for men caring for chronically ill wives:

• Do your research and listen…
• Reassure her you’ll stay.
• State your needs!
• Think of yourself first.
• Start blogging business.

You have to do some research about your partner’s illness. Listening actively to what she has to say will help you communicate better.

Reassure her that you are here for her, however, in order for this to work, you have to state your own needs and set boundaries, otherwise, it is not going to work but cause arguments.

You have to think of your wellbeing before hers. If you get ill from exhaustion, you won’t be any help to either of you.

Every man needs a purpose, a goal in life. Men like to own a business. The best way to achieve that is by blogging.

Dear men caring for chronically ill wives…

First of all, I want to congratulate you for being brave and sticking by your women!

Unlike those boys who leave their chronically ill partners when they are most vulnerable, scared, and in pain, you are real men!

Give yourself a pat on your shoulder and let’s do it together.

And no, it’s not easy for us to open up how we feel either, but this is what a true man does. He sticks up for what’s right and gives examples of how to overcome his weaknesses.

Because for male spousal caregivers is extra hard to cope with various emotions, you deserve to be recognized, and this blog does just that.

Our voices need to be heard. So as long as you visit this blog guys, you won’t be forgotten.

I consider myself thriving in the field of spousal caregiving. I’m a professional carer, paramedic, and spousal caregiver.

I want to speak for those who are afraid to talk openly about their challenges. I share tips for men caring for chronically ill wives, so they can both benefit from the Worry Head blog.

Now, let’s get to the nitty-gritty of such tips…

Do your research and listen…

Being freshly diagnosed with a chronic illness can be extremely overwhelming for a woman, but their partners who cannot even experience their partner’s symptoms can be incredibly confusing.

Let’s take endometriosis – men can barely spell it, let alone understand. Fibromyalgia is another disorder that men find difficult to understand.

So, what can you do to learn about illnesses that are invisible?

I’ll explain to you using my own example.

My wife suffers from stage IV deep infiltrating endometriosis, it rare form of endometriosis, that affects less than 5% of women with this life-changing condition.

For months I tried to learn what it was. I read blog posts, professional articles, and books on the subject.

During that time I used to chat with my wife, never truly listening to what she had to say. I used to interrupt her with my own ideas of what it might have been.

Little to I knew, all that time my wife was trying to explain to me how she felt.

I openly admit, was naive thinking I knew what she was going through. As a matter of fact is, I am not a woman, I was never going to truly understand what my wife was going through.

Only when I began to pay attention to what she was telling me, I’ve learned more than from any post, article, or book I ever read.

Later, my wife was diagnosed with fibromyalgia but I knew what I was going to do. Not only did I begin to research what it was, I openly listened to my wife’s explanations, paying attention to every symptom she had.

So, do your research and listen, listen, listen…

Reassure her you’ll stay.

Even though you are going to stand by her, in illness and in health, in order for everything to work, you have to take care of your own needs first.

But before you do that, you need to say it out loud, or write it down, if you don’t feel comfortable saying it directly.

Make a list of what would be helpful for you during hard times that will definitely arise. You can make such a list for two reasons; not to forget what you want to say and because she needs to have a reminder of your needs, and learn what works, in order to help you cope better.

After all, you sacrifice a part of yourself to help someone else.

More than once, I’ve seen posts about men leaving their wives, suggesting that it’s easier not to be with a woman who has a chronic illness because that person will be a burden to you.

But again, if they state such nonsense, they aren’t men, but cowardly little boys who need to grow the hell up! They most probably never openly discussed with their chronically ill spouse their needs but were a selfish bunch.

Luckily for your partner, you are here to stay, but state your needs and I promise you, your gal will appreciate your honesty, and feel reassured that if you set some reasonable boundaries, you’ll be there to support her no matter what. From experience comes a lot of wisdom, and with wisdom comes a lot of experience.

You must remember that working things out is a continuous process. Chronic illness does NOT Make your partner a burden. But my wife believes otherwise…

She told me on three separate occasions that I should divorce her for the sake of my happiness, even though, I never told her I was unhappy. Sure, I can look grumpy or have a moody moment, but that’s normal, considering the circumstances I am in.

My wife also told her mother, that she wouldn’t blame me if I had an affair with another woman. I believe, she thinks that she’s a burden to me because she said on a few occasions in the past that she’s not a proper wife.

There are so many reasons for her pleads to divorce her, but I have never given up on her.

And even though she used to be in a very dark place, having suicidal thoughts and attempts, I never thought of anything else but love for her. It didn’t bother me her mental state because it wasn’t her fault. It was the illness and stressful events.

I never said anything in the past to her, aside from reassuring her that I was there for her. But When I openly told her that I was here to stay, for better or worse, I meant it, she felt it. There is no morning, when on my way to work she doesn’t say how much she loves me. My commitment to trying to make her life better, makes her feel safe.

So I have one thing here to say to men caring for chronically ill wives… don’t leave her, stand by her, defend her, love her, and reassure her in one sentence that “you are here to stay, no matter what!”

State your needs!

Even though you are going to stand by her, in illness and in health, in order for everything to work, you have to take care of your own needs first.

But before you do that, you need to say it out loud, or write it down, if you don’t feel comfortable saying it directly.

Make a list of what would be helpful for you during hard times that will definitely arise. You can make such a list for two reasons; not to forget what you want to say and because she needs to have a reminder of your needs, and learn what works, in order to help you cope better.

After all, you sacrifice a part of yourself to help someone else.

More than once, I’ve seen posts about men leaving their wives, suggesting that it’s easier not to be with a woman who has a chronic illness because that person will be a burden to you.

But again, if they state such nonsense, they aren’t men, but cowardly little boys who need to grow the hell up! They most probably never openly discussed with their chronically ill spouse their needs but were a selfish bunch.

Luckily for your partner, you are here to stay, but state your needs and I promise you, your gal will appreciate your honesty, and feel reassured that if you set some reasonable boundaries, you’ll be there to support her no matter what.

Think of yourself first!

Men caring for chronically ill wives always think of themselves. If they didn’t, the relationship, help, and support would collapse.

Just think about it… on an airplane, the flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others. The reason being is the fact, that if you run out of oxygen yourself, you can’t help anyone else with their oxygen mask.

The same goes for support in the relationships where one person is the spousal caregiver, and the other is a recipient suffering from an ill-health problem.

The simple example of the flight attendant shows how important it is for you to think of yourself first.

You need to practice self-care, meaning, if you need a break, ask family or a friend for help, in order to relieve yourself from duties, or when you feel emotionally overwhelmed, seek professional help such as CBT.

CBT is a cognitive behavioral therapy designed to combat challenging and negative thoughts. If you don’t talk things out, they will accumulate and burn you down.

It is commonly known as caregiver burnout, and it isn’t a laughing matter, it can become serious.

Even in my professional job as a caregiver to disabled young adults, whenever I felt overwhelmed, I took a day off.

And even though being at home my work doesn’t end, because I take a role of a spousal caregiver, my wife understands the importance of self-care, allowing me to recharge my batteries on my own terms.

Start blogging business.

Every man dreams of running a business. Staying home and taking care of someone doesn’t mean your doors to success are shut. Your life is far from over. Furthermore, you have an opportunity!

Taking time off work to care for your partner gives you plenty of time to start an online business. The first choice of such should always be blogging biz!

Why?

• It will cost you only a cup of coffee per month.
• There are zero risks of losing money.
• All you need is time and patience.
• It’s totally doable if you only put your heart in!
• There is a low probability of failure unless you give up.
• You can easily make $5000 a month or more.
• Retire early, ditch boring 9 to 5, and the rat race.
• Help your wife fund private health care.
• Spend 90% of the time with your wife, 10% blogging.

Shall I keep going? I think you get the picture, but since this post isn’t about blogging per se, but about men caring for chronically ill wives, it is just a nutshell description of what can you do to change your own, and your wife’s lives.

If you need more details on how to start your blogging biz, head on to this article!

I hope you take good care of yourself and your wifey…

Cheerio!